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20 May 1970 Are we following your
experience even a little? What should we do to be a little more in the
movement? Some are
beginning to have experiences; some have the experiences but do not know! (Mother laughs) It has some effect. The greatest difficulty, as always, is the mind, because it wants to understand in its own way.
That is the difficulty... There are some who would go much more quickly if they
did not have that. They have the feeling that if they do not understand
mentally they have not understood. Since long you have not
spoken... (Silence) To express,
there must be a minimum of mentalisation, and that is
very difficult because it is the body that is busy having all kinds of
experiences and is learning, but as soon as it tries to express itself, it
says, “No, it is not true, it is not so.”... (Mother draws small narrow squares) It is like drawing geometrical
designs with life. That is its impression. Even otherwise, it is inexpressible, because it is multiple,
complex, and if you do not lay it out in an explanation... it cannot even be
said. And as you lay it out in an explanation, at that very moment it is no
more true. All these days, it is this experience of the consciousness that just
a little displacement (how to say it?), just a little change of attitude, which
cannot even be expressed, and in one case one is in divine bliss, and, things
remaining the same, it becomes almost a torture ! And it is constantly so.
Well, there are moments when the body would scream in pain and... and just a
little, just a little change, which is almost inexpressible, and the thing
becomes bliss – it becomes... the other thing, it becomes this extraordinary
thing, the Divine everywhere. And so the body all the while is moving from the
one to the other, like a kind of gymnastic, a struggle of the consciousness
between the two. And it becomes extremely
acute; sometimes there are seconds when the body says, “Ah! I have had enough
of it, enough” and pfft ! (Mother makes a gesture of reversal.) Then, it is impossible to say.
Whatever is said is no more truly true. And all the suffering vibrations are, as it were, sustained by the
mass of the general human consciousness – yes, it is that. And constantly, constantly there is either this immutable Peace –
this superlative Peace, which is greater than any peace that one can feel – and
at the same time, one knows (it cannot be said “one feels'', but one knows)
that so great is the rapidity of the movement of transformation that it cannot
be perceived materially. And the two are conjoined and this body passes from
one to the other, and sometimes... sometimes the two are almost together (Mother shakes her head, indicating that it
is impossible to express herself). And then, it gives to the
vision of ordinary things, that is to say, of life as it is, the perception
–from the point of view, not divine, but as compared with the Divine – of a
general madness, and no difference is truly perceptible between what men call “insane”
and what they call “reasonable”.... Yes, it is... it is comic, this difference
that men make. One would like to tell them: “But you are all alike, in
different degrees !”... So... And all that is a world
of simultaneous perceptions; so truly it is impossible to speak. That, there is nothing there (Mother
touches her head), nothing passes that way, nothing is there. It is
something... something that has no precise form but has innumerable experiences at the same time, with a capacity for
expression that has remained what it is, that is to say, incapable. (Silence) For example, there is, at the same time, for whatever happens, the
explanation (“explanation” is not the right word, but after all...), the
explanation of the ordinary human consciousness (“ordinary”, I do not mean
commonplace, I mean human consciousness), the explanation such as Sri Aurobindo
gives
through an
illumined mind, and... the divine perception. All the three simultaneously for
the same thing – how, how to describe this? And it is constant, all the while in this way. And then that (Mother points to her body), it is not in
a condition to express itself, it is not the time for expression. It is so to such a degree that even when I write, it is like that.
So I try to put whatever can be contained into our stupid formulas – and I put
in so much! so much! which cannot be expressed through words – and then when
they read out to me what I have written, I am tempted to say, “You are joking
with me, you have taken everything out of it !''
I had an experience which was for me interesting, because it was
for the first time. It was yesterday or the day before, I do not remember. X
was there just in front of me, and I saw her psychic being, dominating over her
by so much (gesture indicating about
twenty centimetres), taller. It was the first
time. Her physical being was small and her psychic being was so much bigger.
And it was an unsexed being, neither man nor woman. Then I said to myself (possibly
it is always so, I do not know, but here I noticed it very clearly), I said to
myself, “But it is the psychic being, it is that which will materialise
itself and become the supramental being!” I saw it, it was so. There were particularities, but these were
not well-marked, and it was clearly a being that was neither man nor woman,
having the combined characteristics of both. And it was bigger than the person
and in every way overtopped her by about so much (gesture surpassing the physical body by about twenty centimetres); she was there and it was like this (same gesture). And it had this colour... this colour... which if
it became quite material would be the colour of
Auroville.¹ It was fainter, as though behind a veil, it was not absolutely precise,
but it was that colour. There was hair on the head,
but... it was somewhat different. I shall see better perhaps another time. But
it interested me very much, because it was as though that being were telling
me, “But you are busy looking to see what kind of being the supramental will
be there it is ! There, it is that.” And
it was there. It was the psychic being of the person. So, one understands. One understands: the psychic being materialises itself... and that gives continuity to evolution.
This creation gives altogether the feeling that there is nothing arbitrary,
there is a kind of divine logic behind and it is not like our human logic, it
is very much superior to ours – but there
¹ Orange.
Page - 238 is one, and that was fully satisfied when I saw this. It is really interesting. I was very interested. It was there,
calm and quiet, and it said to me, “You were looking, well, there it is, yes,
it is that!” And then I understood why the mind and the vital were sent out of
this body, leaving the psychic – naturally it was that which had been always
governing all the movements, so it was nothing new, but there are no
difficulties any more: all the complications that were coming from the vital
and the mental, adding their impressions and tendencies, all gone. And I
understood: “Ah! It is that, it is this psychic being which has to become the
supramental being.” But I never sought to know what its appearance was like. And when
I saw X, I understood. And I see it, I am seeing it still, I have kept the
memory. It was as though the hair on the head was red (but it was not like
that). And its expression! An expression so fine, and sweetly ironical... oh!
extraordinary, extraordinary. And you understand, I had my eyes open, it was almost a material
vision. So one understands. All of a sudden all the questions have
vanished, it has become very clear, very simple. (Silence) And it is precisely the psychic that survives. So, if it materialises itself, it means the abolition of death. But
“abolition”... nothing is abolished except what is not in accordance with the
Truth, which goes away... whatever is not capable of transforming itself in the
image of the psychic and becoming an integral part of the psychic. It is truly interesting.
This Consciousness that came more than a year ago, a year and a
half now, seems to be working very very hard, very
positively, for sincerity. It does not allow “pretence'', that one should pretend
to be that and not be that. He¹ wants
that the thing should be the true thing.
Yes, everything comes
up. It is an
excellent mentor for this body, it is giving it lessons continually.... I do not
know if all bodies are like that, but this one feels just like a little child
and it wants to go to school, it
wants to be shown where it is making a mistake and to learn everything. And it
is learning constantly. But whatever comes from outside... This is very
interesting: the Consciousness, the Consciousness there (gesture upward) is influenced by nothing: it is the witness, it
sees, but does not receive; the body still receives vibrations: when certain
people come and sit before me, all of a sudden there are pains, things do not
go well, but the body knows now (naturally it knows that it is suffering), but
it does not blame others, it blames itself; it takes that as indicating the
points that are still not solely under the divine influence. And from this
point of view the thing is very interesting.... It knows the distance there is
between the consciousness of the being which uses it and itself, and it does
not suffer for that but is full of a perfect humility, a perfect modesty. And
it is not surprised, it is not anxious, because it is: “Let Thy will be done;
it is not my affair, I am not capable of judging and I do not try – let – Thy
will be done.” So, the body is like that (gesture,
passive and abandoned). And when it disappears, when it is wholly, wholly
surrendered, does no more exist by itself,
¹ In this instance Mother has used “He” in
order to designate this Consciousness. Page - 240
(Long
silence) Do you have
anything to say?
I do not know if it is
correct, but I have the feeling that there is a certain difference between what
was a few years ago and what is now, in your presence with us, if I may say so.
For example, formerly I often had the feeling that you were actively with us,
or you were actively busy with us; now, I do not know if it is exact but I have
rather the feeling that it is left to a force... not impersonal but...
Ah ! It is
true that much of the activity I have left to this Consciousness. This is true.
I let this Consciousness work actively, because... I found that truly it knows.
Otherwise, the feeling of nearness with you is much stronger than before – very
much stronger. I have almost the feeling that I am moving within you, which I
did not have before. But perhaps, before, my consciousness used to put a
pressure upon yours; now it must not be doing that any more, because... it is
as though I was doing it from within. Yes, when one is with
you, near you, this is evident, one feels it. Yes, one feels that you are
within. Yes, it is
that. It is quite that, but it
is rather when one is physically It may have become
impersonal. I have the feeling that even the consciousness of the body has a
minimum of the personal in it. At times I no longer have the feeling of the
limits of my body.... I do not know how to say it.... Yes, it is that, it is
almost as though it had become fluid. And there should no longer be any personal action. But precisely, inside (I
do not know how to explain), it is not even something like a person who has
become so big as to take others within herself, it is not that: it is a force,
a consciousness which is spread over
everything. I do not feel any limit, I feel it is a thing spread out, even
physically.... It is because of this that if someone comes with a very active
critical sense, wanting to observe and judge, it is as though he enters within,
you understand, and that upsets one inside. I do not think the action gives the feeling of a personal action –
since long it has been so (that is to say, since the beginning of the year at
least). When people write to me saying that they felt I had done this or that
for them, I am always taken by surprise. If they said, “The Force has done
that” or “The Consciousness has done that”, that would appear to me more
natural. What speaks, what observes is a centre of consciousness that is
there (gesture up above), but
naturally not localised: for communicating through
the mouth and the senses, it is there (same
gesture). But that has not the character of a personality.... Well, when I
am asked the question, “How do you see that?'' it takes me a moment to
understand the question. I do not feel that it is a person who sees. Some experiences make me think that this sense of personal
limitation is not necessary for physical existence; it is a thing that has to
be learnt, but it is not necessary. It was always felt that a defined body was
necessary to form separate individualities –
It is difficult. You understand, all the impossibilities, all the “that cannot be,
that cannot be done”, all that has been swept away; but it is swept away in
principle, and it is busy trying to become a fact, a concrete fact. This is quite recent, that is, after the beginning of this year.
And then, there is all the old habit – one might say, ninety years of habit.
But the body knows, it knows that it is only a habit.
¹ This absence of personal limits.
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